Tips for navigating the holidays with a blended family

The holidays are stressful enough on their own. Add a divorce, blended families and stepfamilies to the mix, and Christmas gets even more complicated. But the holidays don't have to go downhill just because your family structure isn't textbook. Check out these expert tips for making the holidays happy with your blended family.

Let it slide, let it slide, let it slide

When two families merge, it's unlikely that they will each conduct the holidays in the exact same way. Each family may celebrate with different foods, traditions... even little things like how to approach unwrapping gifts on Christmas morning.

Instead of focusing on how differently each family goes about the holiday, enjoy your time together and be open to compromise. Paula Bisacre, Publisher of Remarriage LLC, says, "Concentrate on how the holiday celebration will end up, and let the little things slide. If we don't open gifts after a Christmas Eve dinner taking place on Dec. 24, it will be all right. If Dec. 26 is when everyone can get together, the world will not fall apart. Pay attention to creating a good memory, and not the perfect memory."

To ensure this happens, communicate with your spouse and family to decide how you will celebrate the holidays, and accept the fact that things may not go exactly according to the plan and that's okay, too.

Check out these 9 do's and don'ts for raising a blended family >>

Focus on the children

Put any anger/resentment towards exes aside during the holidays so you can focus on making a special memory for your children. Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. , psychotherapist and author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, advises, "Keep your focus on making the holidays pleasant for your children, and not on your own resentments and frustrations. You can work those out in therapy after the holidays."

She also suggests, "Be willing to try some experiments. Try it the way the other parent wants it, to see if it works. Try letting the children decide how they want it to be, within reason. If they like paternal Grandma's cooking, ask her to teach you some of their favorite recipes. This will help you form a new bond. Sharing informal, productive activities is very bonding, as is allowing others to mentor you."

Read these tips for smoothing the step-parenting transition >>

Look to the future, not the past

Understand -- and help your children understand -- that your holidays will be different with the new blended family than holiday celebrations in the past. But look at it as an opportunity to create new and special traditions.

Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, who is considered "The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce" and author of How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children - with Love! says, "In most cases family members set themselves up for disappointment by making
 comparisons with the past."

"Stepparents and stepchildren can erroneously expect the newly formed stepfamily to replicate the close bonds and sense of security within their original family," she continues. "By talking about these realities, sharing expectations and understanding that this new family dynamic is unique and different from the first family, the pressure is released. This opens the door to new traditions, new activities and new ways to spend time 
together as a blended family."

Read more on how to make the holidays a success

3 Tips to love yourself this holiday season
Improve your holiday health with the power of forgiveness                                                                 Holiday stress: Help your kids through the holiday season

07 Dec, 2011

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Source: http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/848411/tips-for-navigating-the-holidays-with-a-blended-family
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Ditulis oleh: Unknown - Wednesday, December 7, 2011